The past year has been one of so much loss and so much pain. I am starting to realize that through all of this, the thing I have lost the most is myself. I have spent so much time focusing on the needs of everyone around me… friends, family, Sam… that I have lost me in all of this. I have blocked out the fact that I have been through hell. That I have suffered. That I have had loss. That I have had trauma. Instead, I wrapped myself up in the needs and problems of everyone around me.
Now, I am faced with the stark realization that I am the one that has needed the help and support I have given freely to anyone who has needed it. I am the one who is in need of a friend to prop them up. Yes, I have had support and there have been a few friends that have given so much support to me. The sad thing is, the people I think should be there for me- the way I am for them- are not. Instead, I am being pushed away by them, either because they are too wrapped up in their own drama or because they were just never really who I thought they were in the first place.
Its just hard to realize in a year of so much loss- there is more I stand to loose.