Self pity

As I leave Bennett’s birthday party I find myself overcome with emotion. I think seeing the outpouring of love from Elisa’s extended friends and family has gotten me reflecting on my own extended network. When the shit hit the fan, I was overwhelmed by the outpouring of love and support we got from friends near and dear. As the days stretched into months, the support never wavered. We were surrounded my calls, meals, texts, emails, Facebook posts and blog comments.

As expected, since we have been home, the calls and emails started to taper off. Now, almost one year to the day I was admitted to the hospital, I find myself missing that support network. I don’t want to sound ungrateful, because i am so grateful for all that people did for us. It’s just, now, as I still struggle to deal with all that has happened, I am feeling very alone- almost forgotten. With Sam doing well, it seems that we have moved from preemie family to just a family.

Yes Sam is remarkable. Yes he is doing well.  That doesn’t change the fact that we are still a preemie family. On top of that, we are carrying emotional baggage that would weigh even the strongest down.

I, in particular, am having a very hard time right now. I find myself crying at very inappropriate moments. I am a jumble of emotions- tonight my emotion seems to be self pity.

I guess what I am saying is i still need my support network. I still need people to check on me. I still need encouragement. So, here is my plea, if you have a few minutes to spare, I’ll take them.

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Comments

  1. I think of you often and I’m sorry I don’t check in more. I know very much how you feel. With my dad’s ordeal carrying on for 6-1/2 years now, I feel like people think I’m fine now. But each day comes with a new worry and challenge. I can only imagine that it’s tenfold with your own child. Thanks for speaking up and reminding people that you still need a shoulder to cry on…even if it’s virtual. Sending love!

  2. Yes, still here and loving you guys just as much as ever. Sending hugs to you, and hoping that you can feel us around you, even through the fog of distance. *hugs*, my friend.

  3. un beso y abrazo

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