So, my last post ended on a paranoia note. Yes, I constantly worry that something is going to show up with Sam that will prove to the world that he was, in fact a preemie. I have a terrible time accepting that I can give birth to a 24 weeker and have only emotional scars to show for it. Don’t get me wrong, I am not wishing issues on Sam. I want him perfect. It’s just that I can’t shake the feeling that something horrible is going to show up. I think I just don’t want to get caught off guard when that happens.
So, in my last post, I talked about my fears of autism. These fears are based on… nothing but fear. Nobody has said to me that they are worried that Sam is showing early signs of autism. I think that is why, when his pediatrician said she wanted to watch two things, I immediately jumped to the autisim warning sign conclusion. The reality is, she was evaluating him as if he was an 18 month old. By birth he is. In reality, Sam is just 14 months old. The things he isn’t doing (social play for example) are things a 14 month old should not be doing.
Of course, this new zen take on things didn’t just happen without prompting. We had our last visit from the Regional Center of Berkeley, an early intervention group that has been visiting us at home since Sam was born. I say this is our last visit for two reasons: they have run out of funding – and, even if they hadn’t, we wouldn’t qualify to stay in the program because Sam is doing just fine.
Our caseworker evaluated Sam in a number of areas for his ACTUAL age and he was scored at or above his age in all but one category – gross motor skills. His caseworker wasn’t worried, since what he failed on were all tied to walking, something Sam isn’t doing… yet. Of course, while she was here, Sam took four steady and deliberate steps to get to a toy. In her words, “If I had come two weeks from now, my guess is Sam would be walking.”
So, there we are. Sam is a perfect 14 month old who is about to walk and I have calmed down… for now.
And- two little videos just for fun:
In my unbiased, but oh so loving eyes, Sam is perfect in every way. He is a true milagro.
Well mom- I think you are right if not totally biased.
I feel like I walked on egg shells for a good 2 years. When Lydia turned 3, I finally felt like I could breathe a huge sigh of relief. I still worry from time to time, but it’s much easier than it was.
Thanks for sharing your story!
Good to hear that a time comes when you breathe a little easier. I am sure I will get there- just not quite yet.