Disclaimer: Since I am sure this might worry one particular friend – let me go on record… I LOVE your son. I celebrate his amazing progress. I love seeing him every week. I want nothing but for him to continue to be a presence in my home and my life. Please, do not be disheartened by what I am about to write. I know you are keenly aware that I might be having a hard time with the different paths our boys are on.
Ok – with the disclaimer out of the way, it’s confession time. The past few weeks, I have been blown away with Sam’s progress. Each day, I see him improve. I see his eye contact with people he knows and even with strangers grow. His communication skills are expanding by the minute. At Occupational Therapy this week, his therapist teared up a little because she felt like Sam had turned a huge corner. To quote her, she told me that “I have my boy – personality and all”.
Then, Wednesday rolled around, and Sam’s nanny share, B (another miracle preemie), came over. As I said in the disclaimer, I am totally enamored with this little man. I have been with him from the beginning – through some of his worst and scariest times. Each week when B arrives, I marvel at his progress. This child has a lower survival chance than Sam, and he has done so much more than survive. Not only is he thriving… he is ahead of the curve in most things.
Watching B talk and interact with myself, the nanny, Sam’s therapist really threw me. Don’t get me wrong, I am so thrilled that B is where he is developmentally… but I couldn’t help but compare Sam to B.
I know. You are never supposed to compare children.
I know. Everyone develops on their own timeline.
I know. Just because one child can do something at a certain age, doesn’t mean all children can.
I know. Don’t compare the children.
Still, I can’t help myself.
I want my child to initiate a conversation with me.
I want Sam to bring me a toy and tell me how much he likes it and wants to play with it.
I want Sam to walk into a room, run over to me, hug me and say “Hi Mama”… unprompted.
I want to hear Sam say things that are not memorized phrases or random babbling.
I want Sam to tell me not to laugh at him when he says something that I find funny but he said in all seriousness.
What can I say, I want this progress to be faster.