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Why is asking for help so hard?

April 3, 2014 by melragent Leave a Comment

You would think, with all I have been through, that by now I would be an expert at asking people for help.  Or at least accepting help when it is offered to me.

The reality is, I am terrible at both.  I hate leaning on people.  I hate needing help.  I feel guilty every time I accept help.

This past week, I have had the opportunity once again to see how bad I am at this.  I threw my back out on Monday and needed people to help me with everything.  I needed someone to drive me to the ER at 9PM.  I needed someone to be in the house with the kids.  I needed someone to sit with me in the ER until they doped me up enough that I could walk to the car.  I needed someone help me make the kids lunches the next day.  I needed help driving the kids to school.  I needed help picking the kids up from school.  I needed help bathing the kids and getting them to bed.  Hell – I needed help getting myself breakfast and lunch… and prescriptions.

And that is just half of what I have needed help with.

I am lucky to have good friend and amazing parents how live close by.  I have not lacked for people to help me.

What I have lacked were the words “I need help”.

In all of this, I only asked for help when my back first went out.  Of course, when my dad asked if I needed to go to the ER, I said I didn’t know.  In reality, I knew.  I just didn’t want to burden him by saying yes.  Once my parents were here and they saw the pain on my face, I still told them I wasn’t sure I should go to the hospital.

When I broke down in tears trying to change into leggings from the jeans I was wearing, I still didn’t ask for help or to go to the hospital.  It wasn’t until my mom gave me that look only a mother can give and said “You are GOING to the ER” did I finally agree.

Now, four days later, I am still not asking for or gracefully accepting the help that my parents have selflessly been giving me.

And now I find myself asking why.  Why am I so unable to accept help?

I am a proud and independent person.  I often think of myself as someone who can do everything – no matter what.  I hate the feeling of failure when I realize that I can’t do everything.

This is something I am working on – but obviously… I have a very long way to go.

Oh… and Mom and Dad… since I know you are reading this… you are the BEST.  I do not know how I would have gotten through the past few days without your assistance… ok… the past few years without your assistance.  I am so damn lucky to have you guys in my life.

Sam the Anti-Preemie's Gandparents

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I’m Melissa. My life was turned upside down when my second child, Sam, was born just 24 weeks into my pregnancy. This is our continuing story. Memoir about our experiences due out Nov 2, 2021

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